Wedding Reality Checks: What I’ve learned after working 20+ weddings this year {Part 1}
Ready for some observations and honest feedback about what weddings are ACTUALLY looking like out there in the real world lately?
No matter where you are in the planning process, you’ve probably clicked on every advice-giving Instagram post about what to do and what not to do to create the perfect wedding day. If I may burst that sweet little bubble: No event will be perfect. But, there are some things that you can intentionally do OR intentionally avoid doing to help you and your favorite people enjoy your wedding day experience more.
Let me first give you some context to this post…
The list I’ve compiled below is based on a blend of my experiences as a mentee and assistant to a reputable lead planner, and as a staff member at a distinguished venue. In an effort to be a more well-rounded planner myself, I’ve made it my goal to gain as much experience in every facet of what goes into creating a beautiful wedding: from the planning of the day’s look and feel, to the logistical needs behind the scenes. Working so many weddings this year alone has given me the chance to get an up-close look at what couples are currently choosing to incorporate in their day, the things that are working really well and may stick around for a while, and the trends that are well past their time {or should be}.
And in case this isn’t totally clear: This post is not intended to be airtight advice.
My observations are simply that: personal observations. So if anything, I hope you’ve got your preferred glass of bubbly with your favorite show playing in the background as you lightly browse this little nook of the internet.
Alright, if you’re ready to throw some rocks at glass walls… let’s go!
Wedding Reality Check #1: People don’t eat wedding cake.
Newlywed couples do, sure. If they’ve chosen to have a cake, that is {& I’m fairly certain every wedding I’ve worked this year has included one}. But people – as in all the rest of your guests – don’t really seem to care about it.
The newlyweds have their moment, either privately or big and ceremoniously, to do a formal cake cutting. This still seems to be an important tradition for couples of all ages. But once the cake is cut and slips out of sight so that the catering staff or someone behind the scenes can plate it for all the guests, it’s just no longer that big of a deal {except to the mother of a bride or groom; it’s ALWAYS the mother LOL}. How do I know this? Because I’ve been the one clearing all the plates of uneaten, expensive af cake at the end of the night.
I can’t pinpoint exactly why this is – though I have my ideas. I’m just sharing my observation: Guests tend to not eat wedding cake.
So practically speaking, wedding cake has become more of an edible decor piece that everyone generally expects to be part of the reception space, but only to be impressed by. Not to consume. Before I get major backlash from fellow vendors who earn their living creating these pieces of art, let me offer an alternative.
My suggestion:
Opt for a small one-tiered cake just for you, the newlyweds. This has become a more popular choice throughout the year and I’m a HUGE fan – primarily because of the observation I just shared. It’s a way for you as the couple to still enjoy that intimate tradition of cutting cake together while also freeing up some of your budget for other things that WILL be consumed and highly appreciated by your guests. Which takes me directly to my next point:
Wedding Reality Check #2: Dessert bars are worth every penny.
If variety is the spice of life, then dessert bars are giving all kinds of spicy.
Your guests will tear up a dessert bar if you offer it. And there is no prescription here of what you should offer – that’s the best part. Hands down, one of the most fun and talked about weddings I worked included a boba & pan dulce dessert bar to honor the bride and groom’s Filipino and Hispanic cultures. I will NEVER forget this! And I don’t think their guests will either. The creativity and intentionality of this was so clear.
It seems most guests want just a taste of something sweet post-dinner; dessert bars meet that craving like nothing else. You can go as minimal as offering a single item alternative to wedding cake, such as a macaroon bar, or as elaborate as offering tiny samples of many different desserts spread out over a long table.
My suggestion:
Take your dessert bar up a notch with a simple DIY to incorporate even more personalization in your event. Select and label a “his” or “her’s” and/or “theirs” dessert (also fun to include on a drink menu). For the guest that knows that the bride LOVES snickerdoodles or the groom is obsessed with sour gummy worms, these small touches deepen and enhance the feel of the event so much more.
Wedding Reality Check #3: Your ceremony start time will likely be delayed.
Every. single. ceremony. that I have worked this year so far has been delayed by as few as 5 minutes and as much as 30 minutes. And no surprise, the most common reason for a delay is because of guests arriving late. There have been other reasons, like someone realizing two minutes before the ceremony started that the rings were nowhere to be found {yikes}. But more often than not, delays are happening because a decent percentage of guests are late AND the couple getting married wants to give people a chance to show-up so that they don’t miss the ceremony {or have to deal with interruptions}.
A significant delay to the ceremony start time can cause a domino effect of subsequent delays that can be challenging to recover from if extra time has not been buffered into the general timeline.
Keep in mind, you’re paying for a venue and vendors who are contracted to provide services for a set number of hours for a specific window during the event (e.g. photography services from 12:00 PM to 8:00 PM). So you can expect your vendor to be operating within that timeframe. If the ceremony is significantly delayed, your vendors are likely not going to adjust their contract in the moment to accommodate. In other words, you will have paid for services, product, time, and experiences that you may potentially enjoy less of because of the delay.
I’ve used the words “significant” and “major” intentionally here because I don’t want to scare anyone into thinking a 5 minute delay will upend their wedding day. But 30… 45… 60 minutes? Yeah, this is cause for major concern! And in this case, I hope you have also hired a wedding day coordinator who can handle all the adjustments that will need to happen behind the scenes as a result {though you may be paying overtime hours if you push your coordinator past their contracted time, too!}.
My suggestion:
Work with a wedding planner and/or coordinator to create a realistic timeline for your day, including buffers of extra time between significant activities in case of delays. In my experience, being realistic about your timeline means considering how long it may take for a particular activity to occur given the number of people involved, and then adding additional time to buffer. Wedding planners are pros at this because we have experience seeing how long activities take when they play out in real wedding settings. We can advise you on timing, how to order the flow of events, and make adjustments on the ground as needed if hired as your day-of coordinator.
Wedding Reality Check #4: Traditional party favors are not worth it.
This has been true for a few years now, so it’s surprising to have seen a number of weddings this year that included some form of a traditional party favor for guests. And then completely unsurprising to see most favors left at the end of the night, tossed among the pile of trash on the table or randomly stuffed into a water goblet {why are people always putting random crap in their glass?!}.
By traditional party favors, I mean things like little bags of knick-knacks or candies, small plastic flowers in plastic vases {ew}, anything ornamental or with the couple’s initials, etc. Most if not all of these things will probably be trashed by the end of the night.
Understandably, many couples want to leave their guests with a small physical token of appreciation. And because of the tendency for most to go untouched, there’s been a growing pressure for couples to come up with ultra-unique and useful favors so that they DON’T end up in the trash. If you do a quick Google search of “wedding party favors” you’ll find the top results all say something to the effect of “party favors your guests will actually like” etc. I do recommend clicking through some of these lists for inspiration and honest reviews.
My point is: If you choose to spend part of your budget for traditional favors, personalized or not, it will probably be the most wasted investment of your wedding day. So with that being said…
My suggestion:
Ditch the table-top party favor and instead provide a professional photo booth that comes with a printing package so guests can instantly walk away with copies of their photos. Let’s be honest: People love having pictures of themselves. And even more so when they are looking their best. If they can snag a photo with YOU as the newlyweds, this is probably the best favor you could offer.
Photo booths are in high demand now because of this. Many companies offer tiered packages in which you can add on things like larger photo sizes and a full gallery for you as the couple to keep so that you also have a copy of everyone’s photos. I can’t recommend this option enough.
Wedding Reality Check #5: The reception space gets messy {real} quick.
Your reception space will hopefully look even better than you imagined once set-up is complete. It’s one of the moments that gives me such a high event after event – seeing the finished product, untouched and perfectly set. Ah, this moment. I wish it could stay this way so much longer. But, here’s the reality…
Once guests begin to arrive at the reception, they typically do one or all of the following:
Find their seat, place their personal items on or around the place setting, move their chair to sit or prop it up against the table to “save” their seat {if unassigned}, move silverware out of the way, unfold/untie the napkin to use it, and/or start cluttering the table with additional cups from the bar. And this is just what I could think of off the top of my head {there’s a LOT of other things that happen, too}.
So trust me, when you multiply these few actions by the number of guests you have… the reality is that the reception space will become messy extremely quickly. And if you, as the bride or groom, only see the reception when it’s full of people and messy tables and missing centerpieces… you may end the night with some regrets.
My Suggestion:
I *strongly* suggest doing at least one, if not both, of the following:
A) Take a private walk through the reception space – by yourself or with your partner – before guests arrive. Soak in the moment. Appreciate all that has gone into creating this space. You can even request your photographer/videographer to come along to capture your reactions.
B) Ask your photographer to capture photos {i.e. “detail photos”} of the reception as soon as they’re given the green light by the coordinator and/or set-up team that the space is complete.
& PLEASE DON’T MISS THIS PART ->
If you choose to incorporate either of these suggestions, PLEASE please please inform your wedding planner and/or coordinator well before the day-of that this is a priority for you so that they can work it into the main timeline. Sure, you probably have a rockstar coordinator who can make it happen on the fly – but we always appreciate a heads up about what is most important to you, especially if and when it requires us to coordinate other people (e.g. your guests).
What would you add to this list?
Have you had similar experiences at weddings lately? I want to know. And, I want to get into the more offbeat, even controversial, topics of where weddings are headed – because that’s the fun stuff. If you have a thought, opinion, funny anecdote, or simply appreciate this little rant I’ve written down – leave me a comment below!
And stay tuned for Part 2 of “Wedding Reality Checks.” I’ve got a lot more to say.